Hey, maybe one person, maybe two, most likely my parents, who read this blog…
it’s me…your daughter.
I’m trying to write more, trying to be more, trying to learn myself. I think I do that best through writing. Why I publish said writing on the internet is beyond me, but here I am, at it again.
I came up with this idea, one that’s more for me than for anyone else, just to take a photo and try to remember it. Where I was, how I felt, who I was with, what I accomplished, why I snapped the photo to begin with.
These days I feel like we take photos of everything. We’re snapping pictures of our food, our outfits #OOTD, our faces with dog filters, ourselves looking wistfully in front of a brightly colored wall. We’re running our pictures through photo apps, staying in the most picturesque air bnbs, traveling with the intent to make a fuckin’ photo docuseries on our Facebook pages, and it all just feels…weird to me.
When Kate and I traveled we took a lot of pictures. But we didn’t really run them through filters, or pose deliberately, or go somewhere just for the pics. We weren’t rollin’ like that, but I follow all these Instagram accounts and all I see is #wanderlust and #adventure and #liveyourbestlife or whatever is trending now. And don’t get me wrong, I’m really, really thrilled that things are so global and accessible and beautiful and provide such a great basis for learning and experiencing. But it just feel to me an awful lot like people are curating their personalities through their social media accounts. And there’s really nothing wrong with that, as long as you’re staying true to yourself.
Sometimes I wish that these photo editing apps I now use had been available to me when I traveled. I wish air bnb had been a thing instead of hostelworld.com. I wish I’d traveled now, when I feel I know a little more about the way things can work, but I think I learned a lot of that while traveling when I did, so who knows who or where I’d be if I packed up and left today. But I wouldn’t want to, because I’m on this medical journey toward becoming a midwife and making my boyfriend crispy strips of bacon with his coffee in the morning and Googling the best way to put my dog on a raw food diet because I’m one of those dog moms and yeah, life’s great. I’m broke, like really really broke. I’m tired all the time. I’m confused about where my life is going, nervous about all the things that can go wrong, and really overwhelmed to the point of tears, like, I don’t know, three or four times a week, but hey, it’s all relative, man.
So my idea was, to kind of, remember the way things were. They weren’t always great. A lot of times they were really shitty. But sometimes, life would seem like this beautiful flower opening up for me, and I was sitting in the middle, surrounded by these soft colorful petals of experiences and I just felt, free. There are photos I’ve taken in really bad, dark places of my existence. There are photos in what I was sure was the best moment of my life, only to have another one beat it out later on down the line. So I just kind of want to remember, as much as I can and as honestly as I can all of the different people I have been. All of the different places I have stood. All of the different ways I’ve made my way. And I think I’ll start today.